It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
