Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
