got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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