i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
