I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
