you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
