If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
