What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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