i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
