You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
