i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
