i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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