AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
