My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
