This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
