He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
