I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
