TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
