so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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