Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
