I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
