When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am mentally ready for anal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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