What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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