He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
