I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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