just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
