So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
