yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
