I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
