Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
