Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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