It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wish there were birth control emojis
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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