i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
