you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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