The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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