You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
