The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
