I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
