I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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