she looked like the before picture.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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