hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize