guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
