Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
