In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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