Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
