We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
