there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
