no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize