this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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