Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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