Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize