I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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