I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
