rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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