a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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