grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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