Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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