I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
