Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
