Duck Duck Cougar?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
