Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
