We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize