gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
