babies were throwing up all over the place
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
