genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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