And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
