I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
