I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
