I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
